Whenever you fall short of an expectation you set with someone, you must always apologise to them. But you don’t always need to explain yourself.
This may sound a little confronting, as we usually feel compelled to provide an explanation for letting someone down. But there’s a few reasons why an explanation isn’t always necessary.
First, the matter which required your attention may be sensitive in nature. If you feel compelled to provide an explanation, you may put yourself and the other person in an awkward position by dancing around the subject matter.
Second, sometimes when we try to explain ourselves, we realise our explanation is really an excuse. So we’re basically saying to the person that we let them down because we chose to not prioritise them.
Third, it’s important to focus on making the most of the engagement that’s been affected. Providing a lengthy explanation may take further away from the little that remains (especially if the explanation isn’t relevant to the engagement).
Please note that this doesn’t mean you should never provide a reason when you miss an expectation. Reasons are helpful if they impact the ongoing engagement (eg. “I’m working on a significant deadline right now and I overestimated my capacity. I know I set an expectation with you, but I need some space this month if that’s ok”).
So whenever you miss an expectation, you should choose to provide a reason rather than feel compelled to.
And if you’re wondering how to apologise without providing a reason, simply own the fact that you missed the mark and provide an opportunity for the other person to be heard.
“I’m so sorry for being late. I didn’t mean to put you in an inconvenient position. Is there any way I can make it up to you?”
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