Have you ever felt a connection with someone, but overtime that connection changed and you’re not sure why? The reason may lie in our understanding of adaptive and natural personalities.
During the early stages of an engagement, each person is likely experiencing each other’s adaptive style. This is where both sides are conscious of their behaviour, and both are displaying certain actions or traits that are favourable to the given circumstances.
We all do this, but unfortunately we’re also prone to grounding our impressions on people based on these early behaviours.
The more we get to know someone, the less conscious we become about our behaviour, and the more our natural personality traits are revealed. Your natural personality may display different behaviours than your adaptive personality (and some of these behaviours actually conflict).
When this happens, we may question whether we really “know” the other person and are unsure of what the relationship really means.
But the person hasn’t “changed”. And they haven’t been hiding these traits either. It’s just a dynamic that plays out with social connections.
It’s really important to appreciate these natural and adaptive traits when developing long-term relationships, and this goes for both personal and professional engagements. Try not to form a strong impression of someone based on their early behaviours, and also be mindful about how your own style shifts overtime.
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