Whenever you find yourself in a heated exchange, it’s easy to get caught in a downward spiral.
If you can maintain awareness in these moments, it can be really helpful to stop the decline by considering the source of contention on either side.
Basically, what’s the actual issue?
- Do you/they need to feel acknowledged?
- Do you/they need to feel understood?
- Do you/they need to feel heard?
- Do you/they feel vulnerable or exposed?
- Are you/they simply processing their thoughts verbally?
- Has the conversation challenged a certain value of yours/theirs?
- Is this response simply a pattern of behaviour that you/they are defaulting to?
- Has the conversation triggered a flight or fight response in you/them?
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