When we get angry or upset, we tend to want to make this known to others.
Take a moment to consider how you let people know that you’re angry or upset.
My guess is that to prove you’re upset, you feel compelled to show that you’re upset.
But when you do this, how does the interaction usually go?
If your experience is anything like mine, I tend to inflame the situation. We want the other person to know how angry and upset we are, but channelling this emotion usually triggers the same response in the other person. And I usually regret my behaviour when the moment passes.
So here’s the challenge I want to pose to you.
The next time you’re upset, try to express yourself in a calm manner.
This is one of the hardest things we can do, but it is possible.
If you’d like to try this, start by acknowledging the emotions inside you. The more aware you are of your state, the better you can position yourself for a potential interaction. Then before you engage someone, consider what you want to gain from the interaction, and how you would like the interaction to go. And then when you want to engage, be sure to open the conversation by stating how you’re feeling and how you would like the exchange to go. This opening will encourage both sides to channel this intent when the conversation grows challenging.
Keep in mind that the aim is to not have a conversation that’s devoid of emotion. The aim is to express yourself in a way that leaves both sides in a better position than before.
Again, this is really hard to do, but with sustained intent your interactions will improve. What would it mean for your life if you can calmly express how upset you are?
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