Our actions are based on our identity, which is formed over many years and many experiences. So when we want to change our actions, it’s helpful to understand our identity.
One way to do this is by listening to the excuses we give others about our actions. And a common excuse is framing our actions with “It’s not…”
It’s not like…
It’s not as if…
It’s not that…
“It’s not…” rationalises a behaviour because it compares it to an extreme or opposite outcome.
But focusing on the extreme detracts from the underlying merits of the behaviour.
Remove “it’s not…”, and just say what it is.
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