If you’re both excited and anxious about spending time with family these holidays, here’s something that may help.
According to Family Systems Theory, a family is a collection of relationship agreements where everyone has a role and rules to follow.
This is why you can be a CEO of a company, but seen as the youngest sibling at the dinner table.
It’s important to appreciate that you may not be able to change these dynamics this Christmas, especially if you only come together as a family on occasion.
But it will be helpful for you to identify the particular rules you’re expected to follow or the role you’re expected to play.
This will help you to better position yourself to either avoid or downplay these dynamics if they arise.
And you can also start to shift the dynamics by introducing new agreements with certain family members.
At all times, accept that you’ll have a greater awareness of certain dynamics than other family members will, and they in turn will have dynamics with you which makes them uncomfortable.
So do your best to promote shared understanding these holidays, while recognising that the defaults will be deeply ingrained.
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