The Dunbar Effect

Why does leaving a job feel like losing your friends too?

It’s not personal. It’s structural.

Have you heard of The Dunbar Effect?

This is the theory that we can only maintain around 150 meaningful relationships in our lives at once, and each relationship is shaped by a shared purpose.

When this reason for staying in touch disappears, the connection fades too, even if it mattered deeply at the time.

This happened recently to Rebecca and I.

One of the most important people in our daughter’s life was her family daycare educator.

She was amazing!

And in wonderful news, she wanted to start her own family too.

So when she went on maternity leave, we had to move centres.

And we haven’t seen her since then.

Nothing went wrong.

We just lost that shared connection.

The same thing happens during your career.

When you’re at work, you see your colleagues more than your family and you make some wonderful friendships.

But when you leave, this closeness fades quickly.

The Dunbar Effect is present across our lives, it’s just that in work the change tends to happen all at once.

And this can be hard.

So cherish the time you have with the people around you.

And when things change, let that be ok too.

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